Imprints of a Journey:

I travel for the journey, the never ending road that becomes your home, the beauty of experiencing the ever changing scenery, culture and people, the ecstasy of freedom...of leaving everything behind and the longing to keep journeying further and never return. Almost all the places I have travelled to have left some imprints with me like Corbett NP where I realised for the first time that all I wanted to do in life was to keep travelling, the mysterious pull of the ruins at Nalanda, the quaint tiny station of Rameshwaram which sprang to life as the only train of the day pulled in ever so slowly, an evening at the beautiful Brihadeshwara temple of Tanjore where life didn’t seem to have changed much for centuries, the strong energy that one could still feel amongst the ruins of Hampi, the torrential rain and the deep dark forest of Binsar, the walk on the empty road to Borra Caves where the echo of a train whistle filled up the entire valley.

But then, there are also places which have left a deep impact on me and these are the places where I would want to go back again and again irrespective of the pleasures of a journey. 

Ladakh:

A gruelling trek from dry Kibber across an 18500ft pass to Rupshu Valley in Ladakh threw us right into the heart of raw nature. All around us were the stark mountains, harsh weather and numerous ‘mis’ adventures. On nights when I wouldn’t be dead tired from the day’s walk, I would remain outside after everybody had slept off. On those nights, despite bone numbing cold wind, I would sit mesmerised by the trillions of stars in the sky feeling utterly tiny in the vastness of universe. For me that defined real life, right there in the middle of those mountains and not what we lead in the cities. On the penultimate day, when we were sitting atop the Leh Palace gazing across the mountains, a sublime Buddhist chant floated up from the town below. Coming back to Delhi and resuming daily life was traumatic that year for me.        

Arunachal:

A description for this place eludes me. It’s complex in its natural beauty and simplicity. The same can be said for its people. This is the only place in my travels across the country where I, as a woman, felt totally free and safe. This is the place where I could run (or walk) around in wild abandon (mentally) whopping with joy.  In Itanagar, you could sense the frustration amongst the youth for not being treated as Indians by others; in Tawang, people were scared and preparing for a time when it might be taken over by China. Though tribal identities are very strong, people here are one of the friendliest if you win their trust. My friend and I had a chance meeting with Tapi Mra (an Everester) who went out of his way to ensure we got the right seats in the right vehicle to our next destination.  

Chhattisgarh:

Rewind to a time, to a rural India of five or six decades back. That is the innocence one finds in Chhattisgarh along with high levels of poverty. But what struck me about the place was the presence of a primeval energy. It felt as if nature thrived for centuries undisturbed by humans – until now. Trees are massive here growing and spreading out as far as possible with each and every tree having a distinct character. And deep inside the forests, if you whisper to the trees....they whisper back to you. All you have to do is listen.    

Monsoons in the Konkan and Sahyadris:

Every year, the transformation with the onset of rains leaves me astounded. I love the rains anywhere but in the Western Ghats, it turns magical. The dark grey clouds rolling in from the tumultuous grey sea turns everything into a carpet of green. The consistent drizzle that characterised monsoon in the east during my childhood is nowhere close to the heavy downpours of the west. Like the village communities who go about their daily lives with a conical bamboo and plastic cover on their heads, we also have learnt to negotiate the rains here. However what becomes difficult to negotiate during these days is the call of far-away lands and the pull of the churning dark clouds.         

Enter at Your Own Risk:

I worked for more than a decade in advertising and media where the general attitude to life is largely ‘sab kuch chalta hain’.  Then I shifted to a rights based organisation where the general feeling towards life is ‘kuch bhi sahi nahin chalta hain’. If you are weak hearted, this kind of tectonic shift can be traumatic. So if you are thinking of working for a rights based NGO, I would advice - 

                                                          (source: www.http://maa01.soup.io/)

Life is an Issue. Seriously!

Q: What books do you read?

A: Manto, P. Sainath, Ramchandra Guha, Noam Chomsky or any book which talks on or is based on an issue.

Q: Have you read Sophie Kinsella or Georgette Heyer?

A: What ARE they?

Q: What do you think of Sholay?

A: It just shows the ‘majority’ mentality by naming a village RAMgarh. Media is so insensitive to minority issues.

Q: How about Bend it like Beckham?

A: Oh, they have highlighted women’s issue so well.

You crack Joke 1: It’s so sexist and anti women!

You crack Joke 2: It puts so and so community down!

You crack Joke 3:  Its child abuse!

You crack Joke 4: By now you learn not to crack jokes at all or crack only politically right jokes.

Corporate = Capitalist = All things Terrible:

Oh, we sometimes DO look at corporates benevolently.  At times we feel that it’s our duty to teach them about humanity and rights. Can we learn anything from the corporates? Well, you must be out of your mind.

In a scenario where we are looking more and more into getting funds from within the country (read corporates and individual donors also from corporates!), I wonder whether being so ideological is such a good idea. 

Ideological Stereotyping:

‘Poor’ = always the sufferer = Good people

‘Rich’ = ‘what the hell do they understand about grassroot issues anyway?’= Elitist

I want to know just how many of us (from an NGO) would forgo a job which pays us double the current salary or forgo an increment because it will make us richer and hence more ‘elite’. Well, I left a well paying sector on my own volition, but that hasn't stopped me from waiting greedily for the year end increment.  

  

Corporate Life is the root of all Evil (not so overtly though):

A typical day in a media house and how men and women behave: Regular bonhomie, shouting during stressful situations, abuse one another openly, back slapping while chatting, party hard after work, drink, smoke, joke, pull each others’ legs, wear any type of cloth (read funky) and nobody will bat an eyelid. 

A typical day in a rights based organisation and how men and women behave: Most jokes are cracked by women. Men, I get the feeling, keep the women at a safe distance so as not to offend them in ANY way. A strange silence descends if a woman is seen smoking or drinking. Some men get uncomfortable with women wearing anything different than what is generally accepted (I will leave it up to you to guess what that is).

The World is divided into Two Groups:

There are only two sets of people we like to acknowledge - community people (including ourselves) and the government. Government is still appalling but it’s important to keep them engaged in dialogue. The rest of the society and their sentiments do not matter. Who are they anyway? Public facing campaigns are a waste of time and money and a few ‘Likes’ on Facebook is hardly likely to achieve anything.      

Though I strive hard to understand this side of life and viewpoint, I still do not agree to all the ideologies due to which I have been branded a Capitalist (for trying to justify the psychology of ‘the other side’ and finding the concept of equality utopian), an Environmentalist (because I prefer Nature to humans ANYtime) and a person requiring Gender training (because I refuse to be called a Feminist and think that population really needs to be controlled).  

It’s been a fun job for me so far!

****************************************************
*some parts are exaggerated to emphasise a point and is not meant to demean anyone.  

I am not a Feminist.

To this statement, women who are one will always ask the ‘ultimate’ question in an effort to clinch the argument for once and all: ‘Don’t you believe in gender equality? If yes, you are a Feminist too.’ Very few women will ever give an answer in the negative to that….to which a smug happiness settles into their beings.

Well, maybe I am the only woman who will answer in the negative. No, I don’t believe that we can achieve equality, gender or otherwise. We humans as a race are far low in the level of consciousness to consider others as equal. We shall forever discriminate each other on the basis of gender, colour, race, creed, religion, money and other petty or mindless things. ‘Equality’ now and in the next few centuries will remain an utopian concept. Even most of the communist countries or states have failed in proving otherwise.

What I am dead against is… being Unfair. It’s unfair to treat women with so much violence, it’s unfair not to be able to lead a free life, it’s unfair to knowingly exploit people belonging to the ‘lower caste’ or treat them with disdain, it’s unfair to abuse little kids, it’s unfair to forcibly evict tribals from their land and life.   

To all women (and men), feminists or otherwise, I will say that I am a person first and a woman later. I have chosen to live my life my way and not because I have faced and hence forced by subtle discriminations against me. I Have chosen not to rise up the corporate ladder and not because of an invisible glass ceiling. I Chose not to climb Stok Kangri solely out of fear and not because others thought I was not as good as the ‘guys’. I Chose not to get married at the age when everybody else did and not because I did not have any ‘value’ in the marriage market. Since my childhood I have vehemently opposed and questioned people or ideas and beliefs that put me or my life is a societally-defined bracket.

To all women (and men), feminists or otherwise, I will say why do you have to be ‘equal’ to men! Why do men have to be the ultimate benchmark to which women have to strive for? If you really push me to tell, then I will say that I consider women to be far superior as human beings than men ever will be. Why would you want to be equal to somebody who usually is aggressive, perpetrator of most things bad and depraved, who likes violence and thrives on war, who likes to break law and do all things wrong. We have an entire history of civilizations and nations ruled by men and I am sure most will agree that the world is Very Far from being perfect.  

Deep in my heart I have a firm belief that the only way to right all the wrongs is to let the women come up and take control. We will not only have a much peaceful and a beautiful world, but we will also have ‘equality’ as you have envisaged it….in its truest sense.

Yes, I am a person who is a woman and a proud one at that. Just don’t bracket me so simply as a Feminist.      

Tiger Conservation for Dummies:

Why should we save The Tiger? Well, the explanation is as simple as this.

 (A bag with a message on conservation made by the women of a village near Pench National Park. These bags were made as part of the alternate livelihood program by Satpuda Foundation Volunteers) 

There’s always a predator on the top of the food chain in an eco-system....in India it’s the big cat. From the tiniest microbes found in the soil to the main predator, everybody and everything has a role in the eco-system and each is dependent on the other. So, predators help in keeping a check on the growth of the herbivorous population who then will not over-graze the forest land as a result of which many plants, trees, fungi, ferns, insects, birds and microbes etc can flourish and make the forest healthy or balanced. A healthy forest is always rich in water as trees help retain and conserve water. And a healthy food chain means a healthy forest which means lots of water!

So when people like us shout ‘Save the Tiger’, we actually mean ‘Save your life by saving the forests’.

Simply put, if there are lesser forests, there will be lesser rain and lesser water (surface and ground) leading to many seasonal rivers and lakes drying up. And for urban city people whose educated children think water comes from tankers, this learning will come way too late. 

We, the human species, are an aberration on Earth. We do not contribute to any eco-system. Instead we have always taken and destroyed the very place we are dependent and live on... just like parasites. As E.O. Wilson said, ‘If all of mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos.’

We need our Earth and nature to live and survive. Nature does not need us.

The sooner we understand and respect this, the better for all of us.  

Some of the key and the last of the virgin forests / bio-diversity regions in India like Western Ghats, Central India Forest belt and the Eastern Himalayas are under deep threat from rampant illegal mining, giving out forest land for SEZs, power plants and other projects and increasing human population which have already greatly reduced these forests and key animal corridors. To top this, the government wants to destroy whatever is left to dig out coal for electricity.  If you want to do your bit to save the forests, start by being a part of this.

Philosophy of Charity 2 - Why and Who of Donation:

Usually the first response I get from people when I tell them that I now work in the social sector, is – “Oh! NGOs have a lot of money, people are always travelling abroad!”  The next response is a very skeptical question – “So what exactly does your organisation do?” Even before I can answer, I know that I have lost the person because he/she has already made up his/her mind that all NGOs are dubious (financially) or are leftists who are anti-development.    

As far as charity is concerned, for me there are four categories of people (non-social sector). First, there are the evolved minds who keenly follow issues and actively participate in it. Second is the type who donates but only in the name of God, thinking perhaps his sins will be forgiven if he gives Rs.1000/- to the temple and Rs.1/- to the beggars outside. Third, are the people who spend most of their lives running after money, designation, the next house or car or foreign holidays and hence neither have the time nor interest in anything else. Fourth, is the lot who wants to give back to the society but do not have much idea about how to go about it or are very skeptical of the social sector. It’s them who end up asking me questions like above.

To this last lot I will say that they are only partly correct. Partly correct because yes, there are many NGOs who have dubious operations or no clear cut strategy or thought through projects. There are many who change their projects depending on what the funding trends are. On the other hand, there are many more NGOs who are doing excellent work at the grassroot level and are so passionate that they keep working despite the lack of funds.

What would you say about a team of ex-AIIMs doctors who left their plush jobs to give medical help to the tribals of Chhattisgarh at subsidised rates? Or about the person who has tears in his eyes every time he talks of the chemical toxins dumped in the creeks of Konkan that has killed all 120 species of fish leaving the fisherfolks with no livelihood? Or the woman who fought against bias in her family and now helps the women of rural Rajasthan to lead a more free life?  

The solution lies not in being skeptical but in understanding the sector, the way it works, the pros and cons of donating to a type of organisation, finding a cause and sticking by it. Let me clarify.

1)      Like everything else in the country, the social sector has also seen a wave of change. The ‘jhola-chaaps’ of the 50s-60s do not exist anymore and neither is it flush with funds like in the 80s-90s. India has moved from being an under-developed to a developing country. Most foreign countries have stopped funds because as the government says – we can take care of ourself.  Also there is a belief that foreign funds are being used by NGOs to protest against government policies especially if they are ‘pro-development’.

2)      The sector itself is pushing for more transparency (financial) within. Most good NGOs have external audits done by third party and publish the result in its Annual Report. There is a consortium of voluntary organisations called Credibility Alliance who acts like a governing / monitoring body. All NGOs are now being encouraged to get certified by them after meeting their strict standards. So if you are unsure, look for an NGO certified by them.

3)      Many people I have spoken to want to give directly to the affected community / beneficiary just to be sure that the money is not going elsewhere. So people will send books or computers to schools or give generators etc. But if children don’t know how to read, the books or computers have no meaning. If farmers don’t have money for buying seed, the generators are useless. NGOs work to ensure that this doesn’t happen and that the positive effects are long term.

4)      There are many good grassroot NGOs who require funding but whose existence people are not aware of. The best way to reach them is through funding organisations like Oxfam India, Action Aid India or gateways Give India. These organisations have extensive reach, knowledge and works as per well defined policies and strategies.  

5)      But why fund a funding organisation? Most funding organisations work on two fronts – various programs at the grassroot level which are monitored regularly on progress and funds utilisation; secondly, it engages with various levels of the government to keep a dialogue going on what is right, what is wrong and how things can be improved. Well, to put it very basically, most changes in laws have happened over time because apart from others, the social sector has actively pushed for them – like Right to Education Act, RTI, Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace Bill, Forest Rights Act, Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act etc.

6)      Whether you like it or not, the fact remains that a certain portion of your donation will always go to cover administrative costs like rent, office equipments, tea, salary and yes, that occasional trip abroad. Before you let out a large groan of disgust, just think, where else will the NGO get the money from? Everything has a cost attached to it and just like you, people in the social sector also have needs, bills to pay and families to take care of. You will also not do free service after some time. As for the international trips, it’s very much a part of the job – just like you do in your corporate job or otherwise.

7)      Lastly, always keep in mind that change doesn’t happen in a day especially in a country like ours. It takes years and years of constant effort and sometimes public protests to just bring social issues to the fore. Have faith in your cause and have faith in those people who work hard for it.        

I left the media sector because I found it shallow and the abuse of money blatant. Many times I was given offers for all expenses paid trips anywhere or a certain percentage of the advertising budget in return for exclusive business to them. I would have left the social sector on the same grounds if I found that finances are mismanaged.   

But I am still here and loving every moment of it.

Vikalp Sansthan works to change the attitude of not only women but also the men and youth of rural Rajathan to bring a holistic change in the attitude of society and stop violence against women.

Parivartan works with the fishing community of Konkan to help them find alternate source of livelihood.

Jan Swasthya Sahyog works in Bilaspur to provide subsidised medical care to tribal communities there.

Satpuda Foundation works to save the forests and wildlife of Central India

Greenpeace India works at the policy level directly through campaigns and petitions

I am me:

Many years ago, my mother had once commented that I was a bad and good person in equal measure. I took it as a compliment then because I had started to believe that I had no good side left in me anymore. Years of working with unnecessary tension, rabid clients, superficial people and colleagues with ‘hey, I am so cool’ attitude and lifestyle, had turned me into a person I myself couldn’t recognize. I had developed a second skin and lived the life of this second skin. This skin was perpetually angry, seldom confident, filled with self doubt and a mind which was a vortex of all kinds of escapist thoughts. I believed that what I said or did was always right and I found it difficult to say sorry to others. The worst part of being this skin was that I made my mother and my closest friends suffer the most.

It was my yearly escapes to the high mountains of the Himalayas that kept me sane. It was these snow peaks that made me dig deep into my soul and help me acknowledge that something was wrong. I would throw all the Whys of life onto its rugged folds and deep valleys….and they would forever silently take it all in, encouraging me to find my own answers. This search to find my own answers led me to quit my job and backpack across South India for almost two months – the first step of my long journey to return home – to myself.   
    
A friend once told me that the only person who stops you is you. It took me a while to really understand this but when I did, I let go. I let go of my need to stick to a career, I let go of my need to hold on to money, I let go of my ego and my need to prove myself right, I let go of people and my heart so that I could connect with many more. My anger dissipated because if you actually start seeing things from an outside angle, you realize the senselessness of it all.

Yes, I have lost the ability to be competitive, the edginess which helps you reach the top of your career. Infact I do not have much of a career and I do not know much about the future. But my friends say that I look content.

Because after so many years, I am content.

I am me. 
 

 

Vipassana is one of the most difficult forms of meditation but a highly effective one. The best part is that it’s not connected with any ‘ism’ and is free of cost. They take donation at the end of the course which can be Rs. 1 or Rs. 10,000 or as per your capacity.

Pointing Fingers:

Dear Mr. Karan Thapar,

I read your personal opinion in the Hindustan Times today regarding the need to take a deeper look at ourselves as a society and change our attitude towards women in order to stop their continuous humiliation. I must applaud you for having such an evolved mind. I also agree that in the longer run, changing mindset is what will work for us. But the question which the nation is asking about is Now, not the ‘longer run’.  

I want to ask you a question. Just how many times have you actually travelled in local buses of Delhi or walked the crowded streets of Lajpat Nagar or ever tried taking auto at night in places like Uttam Nagar or Rohini? My guess is that neither you nor anyone in your family would have done that. I have spent 16 repressed years in Delhi before choosing to live a more free life in Mumbai and in those 16 years, I lived the life of a common middle class girl doing all the above and more. So, can you even begin to imagine the humiliation I felt when as a 19 years old naive college student, I was masturbated against in a local bus in full view of everybody and I had no idea what to do? Or would you ever know how it feels when you walk down a street in broad daylight and guys on bike come from behind and grope you? Or the terror you feel when the auto driver suddenly takes you off the normal route and down a deserted, unlit road at 8 in the night? Or the feeling of frustration when you roam around your locality for an hour trying to shake off a stalker because you know nobody will help?

You talk of changing attitudes, especially the mothers. An NGO which works on the issue of violence against women once told me that it took her 10 years to make the women in villages of Sawantwadi to introspect and accept violence as unnatural. These women had accepted abuse as a way of life and had no idea that a better society existed (if at all) outside. And now you expect them to be the torch bearers of change? Tell me, how many of us who are educated have the ability to really introspect and change themselves? So, can you imagine these women who are not educated and have never seen a life without a form of abuse to first change their thoughts and then change their sons’?

You talk of changing attitudes, especially the mothers. Let me tell you three stories that I have come across in the so called educated metros.

A well educated Bengali guy (parents’ only child) worked as a manager in one of the top private banks. He was addicted to S&M porn and forced his newlywed bride to all that he saw on screen. When asked by the NGO, he said that he can do whatever he felt like because she is his wife. His parents were scared of his anger.   

A judge of a High Court often beat his daughter at the slightest pretext. Neither the girl’s brother nor her mother had the ability or strength to defend her.

A husband regularly beat his wife because she had a small room in her name which he wanted to possess. In order to punish her, he forcibly made their teenage son and daughter watch porn with him. He also passed lewd comments on his own daughter in front of everybody.

Dear Mr. Thapar, the current state of the Indian Society as I see it, cannot be simply explained as the result of it being a patriarchal society. The malaise is much much deeper. Why else would a society have gang rapes on children or sexually abuse both girls and boys? When I read this article, I was terrified because this does not have as simple a solution as changing attitudes.

You are perhaps right. We cannot ask our leaders to help because many of them are criminals themselves and won’t let the axe fall on them by changing laws. We also cannot ask the police force to help because as the Tehelka story suggests, they are worse than our tormentors. So with our leaders and protectors out, it leaves us with only you, Mr. Thapar and like minded people like you to help. You have two important media at your resource. Why not use it to influence people and work towards your solution your way?

If you can even change the mindset of any one of the three people I have mentioned above, I will forever look up to you as the evolved mind that you are.

But till that time, please stop playing the Devil’s Advocate to the better half of the country’s population.

Yours,

 A common woman on the street

For Mumbai women: Dial 103 for help, Railway Control Room (locals): 022-23004000

Women across the country, know your rights and insist on their implementation (most of these are really strong and in your favour): Protection of Women Against Domestic Violence Act, Sexual Harrassment of Women at Workplace Bill, Protection of Children from Sexual Offense Act

In Maharashtra, almost all districts’ SP’s offices have a special cell for women and children who are trained to handle cases of violence against women in any form. It is always advisable to go to them for help than go to a general police station as they are more sensitive and better equipped to handle cases of crime against women and children.